Cactus # 1:

I’m throwing in the towel. This poor little cactus didn’t make it. 2 years ago, it fell over in a storm when we got hit by a micro-burst. I relocated it and tried my best to keep it alive, but now I have to throw in the towel as it’s starting to rot.

Flashback to 2016:

ATTEMPTING A STORM-DOWNED CACTUS RESCUE

Read the Original Blog Post

Back to the present

The beast was down for good this time. It was ripped at the base and somewhat dried out. The carcass was also hosting a delightful swarm of tiny, gnat-like bugs and giving off a mildly-rotten odor. I slipped a long, landscaping blade into my reciprocating saw and chewed through what remained of the base.

I dragged a lava rock out of the way and rolled out a couple of ratcheting tie-down straps. I gingerly put a boot on it and rolled it like a log onto the straps.

With the straps looped around and hooked, I started tugging. Luckily, the cactus was fairly dried out, and I didn’t have to pull an entirely water-logged, heavy carcass down the sidewalk. It was still pretty heavy.

That crispy outer cell cracked and buckled as I drug it, leaking a putrid trail of slimy grossness behind. Have you seen Tremors? It was like I was pulling a chunk of dead Graboid across the yard. (Note: Tremors is stupid. It’s so stupid that I think I’m going to watch it again this weekend.😊)

I got the thing moved down to the bulk pickup spot and left it atop the old patio door trim that I had just replaced. I don’t think the roving trash pickers are going to take off with this gem.

I’d managed to pull off the first move unscathed. My Keen Utility San Antonio Work Shoe had defeated what could have been a disastrous to stab to my foot. The aluminum reinforced toe inside stopped a particularly tenacious spine from getting me.

There were discarded spine clusters scattered all along my trail. I hope I found them all and don’t have to “discover” a straggler one morning when I head out barefoot to retrieve the newspaper.

Cactus #2:

A few feet across the yard, this cholla cactus is long dead. I don't know what did it in, but it's got to go as well.

The trick is that these the spines practically jump at you. There are sharper and straighter. Hazzardous.

This plant is gnarly with oddly-weighted arms sticking out in all directions. Id didn’t want to crawl up under it with the reciprocating saw and start hacking. The chances of me getting stabbed by an off balanced, swinging spike-filled branch were super high.

A friend at work teased me when I told him what I was planning. He just knew I’d show up for work looking like I’d been in a fight with a feral cat.

No sir. Not going to happen. Not when I have a 4x4 anyway,… and yes; I did video tape the carnage for you. My pleasure.

Heh heh heh. That’ll do it right?

In my second movie reference of the day, I simply could not pass up showing off the Harry Potter Mandrake I found underneath the cactus could I?

Hungry for more cactus related adventure? How about a deep dive in the archives, back to 2013? We lost one of our MASSIVE saguaro when an irrigation line ruptured beneath causing it to thunder to the ground and break open. That was a heartbreaking loss. Here’s the blog post: How to Remove a Fallen 16 Foot Cactus from Your Back Yard or skip the post and see what’s inside these towering monsters in my oldest video, back in the 18 volt days:

See you next time!